I Will Marry Your Creeper

My peers are getting engaged and married. 90% of them are out of straight no where. I didn't even know half of you had boyfriends. It seems like guys never have girlfriends to begin with so again, no idea what kind of witchcraft you all practice. What make concerns me, but mostly makes me laugh, is when "creepers" get engaged/married. I remember thinking back in 2009 that no chick would ever date this obsessive weirdo in my class. I've seen their tactics yet now there's a woman wanting to reproduce with them.

"I do" not get it. Here's something I do get: ladies, whomever we decide to settle down with will have once been some other chicks' creeper. Every guy is, at some point, gameless and shameless.

Your fiance: He's intelligent. His family is kind. He makes you laugh every day. He's getting promoted really soon. He takes you out on thoughtful dates. And oh, he used to whisper disturbing things to this girl in his PoliSci class back in college.

I'm not hating here. In fact, I've started to counter creepster behavior with extreme, non-reverse psychology. When a random guy (who knows nothing about what goes on inside your head or has even heard you speak) asks you out, make it real easy on him. Let him find out everything about you in the most maniacal manner.

Example: At the gas station

"WELL SAY GURL, what are youuu doing tonight?"

Normally women will scoff and drive off. New response:

"I'm doing lots of things tonight! But we just met so if you want, you can definitely get my number right this instant. Forget it, let me just call you now so I know you got it so we can FO SHO have each others' numbers. In case your phone dies at some point in life, add me on Facebook! I wanna see your profile pics! My girlfriends will probably ask for them tonight anyway because I'm going to be talking about how charming this all is. Do you work? Ahh, lets connect on Linkedin. My gas is still pumping so lets follow each other on Twitter. I'm SO motivational on Twitter. It'll be fun. Oh, you need to go? Well lets take a selfie and instagram it, BOYFRIEND."

Do not let him get a word in this entire time. Ladies, let's be creepin' too. Its 2013 and all about equality now.